'I'm not an ATM, and I'm not a fool': Entitled parents fail to convince son to pay for their favorite child's new home

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Mar 26, 2025 2:00 PM EDT

Drawing boundaries with toxic family members can be a lifelong journey.

In this instance, we have someone who was being manipulated because of their bank account. This was a fully grown, financially independent adult who had gone "no contact" with her brother and parents previously after numerous instances in which her achievements were used for their own gain. To make matters worse, these parents were almost always acting in the best interest of the author's brother, who had always been their favorite child.

Keep scrolling below to see what happened when they all got back in touch. Let's just say that it did not take long for everyone's old habits to show!

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    $ DOLLARS
    via Money Knack

  • The author had been contacted by her parents to have a get-together in a public place with her brother so they could all reconnect and “be a family” again. Naturally, the author was immediately skeptical and knew that this would likely result in them asking her for money.

    The strangest part about the whole thing was that the author wasn't exactly swimming in dough. She had saved for years to be able to make the down payment on her home and was finally in a financially secure position, but it took a long time for her to get back on her feet. However, it was as if her brother and parents could sense that she might be in a position to “help them out.” You can just guess what happened next!

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    This will not surprise some people who commented on my previous posts, because my parents did some of the exact things they said they would. Which was wanting either my money, or my signature. I did expect the classic lines of narsists saying that I owed them, or give me some kind of of sharing the wealth. But that
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    was just my imagination running wild. The ensuing situation was somewhat similar to that. But much more tame, I guess you could say. They seem to know not to push me too far now. And were mostly aiming for pity.
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    It began when my parents recently got in touch with me through social media, and asked for a meeting in a public place of my choosing. It just screamed trap. But I wasn't
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    afraid. In fact, I was amused. They know I'm not to be fked with anymore. So I could only wonder what they wanted this time. I picked a local restaurant that may have a name of an olive and a garden in it, and we met up there. Dan was with them. But he kept his mouth shut, most of the time... We had awkward greetings, ordered some drinks, and then cut to the chase. My
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    parents begged me to help Dan get his own apartment so he could finally move out. Apparently, Dan's credit isn't so great. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be his wife regularly spends him into a hole? Well they asked that I help by either supplying some capital, or by cosigning for the apartment and helping to pay the rent for it. I simply said no to both. That's when Dan spoke up in anger and
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    yelled at me that I have so much, and I don't have a family to support like he does. He needed my help, and I should be sparing the money for his family since I don't have one. myself. I laughed and asked where they were when I needed their help. Of that's right. They were pointing and laughing at me for being homeless. Or should we go further back to my childhood. I'd love to delve into that with plenty of ears to listen in
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    around us. My mother grabbed my hand and begged me not to speak of any of it. My father and Dan both just looked away and said nothing. Pretty sure they wanted to say something like they used to at me, but held their tongues. I asked them if they thought I was rich or something. And their looks said it all. And when I told them I don't have that kind of
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    money, they looked at me like deer in headlights. I broke it down about how much I'd managed to save for the down payment on my house, and the way I had to live and work in order to save that much so fast. And then how I spent nearly all of it on the down- payment of my house. I'm still in financial recovery. I did have monthly income to spare, yes. But most of it was going right into my savings. I asked Dan what his yearly
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    salary was, and when he told me, I pointed out that it was actually a bit higher than mine. I then loosely broke things down in rough math in front of my parents on how about 70% of my income goes to my mortgage, insurance, gasoline, internet, phone, food, and other bills. And then there's maybe 30% of that left at most that I can put into savings. And I need that money
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    saved get back on my feet in time. And I have to make sure I have savings to fall back on. My truck is from the 90s. If it were to break down, I'd need money to either fix or replace it. And there's other things one would need a rainy day fund for, like home repairs, doctors, taxes, lawyers, or anything in general you'd need quick cash for when it's a sudden unexpected expense. So, as
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    you can see, I just can't spare money for Dan. And I also refuse to cosign for anything as that would leave me on the hook for any bill Dan couldn't or wouldn't pay. Then I pointed out that, that's likely why my parents didn't cosign for Dan's apartment themselves long ago. And my mother just started crying again. I was pretty much one step ahead of them in all of this. I'm not an ATM, and I'm not a fool.
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    And I stated that right to their faces. I expected my father to become angry with me like he always does. But this time he just, well...didn't. I've known this man to explode on me for the slightest provocation of not enabling my brother all of my life. But this time he just didn't do that. There wasn't even a sneer on his face. The only way I could describe the look he had was regret and defeat. Maybe regret for being as ty
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    parent. Or maybe regret because he can't bly me around anymore. Who knows. Either way my parents couldn't really argue with me, and I wasn't about to give them any money. Dan just got up and said this was all just a waste of their time, and that he was leaving. My mother started apologizing for him, but Dan still wanted to leave. Then just to k I with kindness I offered to buy
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    them a round of unlimited soup and salad while we were all there. I guess they couldn't turn down free food since we hadn't ordered anything but drinks yet, and they stayed. I went out of my way to talk about anything other than money. Dan remained quiet, and was either eating his food or looking at his phone. But my parents just awkwardly talked with me. They brought up that
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    they've recently joined a local Christian church. And that they'd already been going for the last two weeks. I said "Good for them", and they of course started trying to advertise that they'd like me to go too. I simply said no thanks, and they were smart enough not to push further. When the meal was finished, Dan left a $10 on the table for the tip and walked off
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    without saying another word to me or anyone. My mother just excused his behavior and we all parted ways. That was about it. Not nearly as much drama as I though there'd be. But this is still far better than how things used to be with my parents and brother. As for SIL. Well she's been regularly complaining online about my parents. She really doesn't seem to like the fact that she's
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    not queen bee of their house. And I think hert ic is finally getting to them. Why else would they be so desperate to come crawling back to me. SIL actually wants my parents to move into a camper like I had to do in order to make space in the house. And she's being told "No!" every time. She does seem to have a following of Karen minded people like her though. Because here and there I get messaged by someone I don't
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    know, that are intent on raging at me for not giving up my house for SIL. I don't bother to argue with these people anymore. I just block and move on. Though there was one persistent troll who had my phone number. And they call from a different number every time. Yes, it seems to be the same person who called me to say I need to make way for a real family man like Dan. But I could care
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    less. The calls though, seemed to have slowed down, if not maybe stopped. Because I made it clear to that person that they were only amusing me by keeping this up so long. The last time they called was around the beginning of the month. And it's been silence from them since then.
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    1022 ABC 3 DEF Saida Entrada envelope Anula 4 GHI 5 JKL 6MNO Corrige 7 PRSTUVWXY Entra
    via Eduardo Soares
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    Emaretlee Thanks for the update OP. I'm fascinated by your vile family & your incredible strength of character. I've got my fingers crossed for the update when your parents sincerely apologise for everything they've done. I think Dan and SIL are lost causes but maybe, just maybe, the parents could
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    own theirs t. As much of d**k Dan is - it's your parents that ruined him. Shaped him to become the entitled loser that he is. None of them deserve you back in the their lives - but you deserve to know that they're sorry for what they've done.
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    daylily61 He sure does deserve that, but it probably won't ever happen. I doubt if his parents would ever have the guts to apologize, even if they come to recognize what horrible parents they were.
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    Akkiila I think your parents have understood that they no longer have any control over you. Why don't you cut off contact with your family?
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    Camper-Nomad OP I more or less have. I don't call them, they call me. But I find it amusing so see SIL's online tantrums
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family drama petty revenge family feud entitled people karma family money children entitled people
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